i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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