i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
