So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
