I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
