Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
