I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
