I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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