The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
