I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
