Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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