I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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