why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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