Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
