If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
