he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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