hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
