Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
