That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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