If that was your dad, he is hot
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
