i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
