Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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