Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
