I saw his package. It spoke to me.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
