He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
