I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
