I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I checked into jail on foursquare
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
