addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
