You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
