I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
