No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
