I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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