i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
