yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
