Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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