The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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