apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
