we have officially lost it.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
