I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
