I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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