I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
