I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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