You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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