So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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