i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
