there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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