i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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