so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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