I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Slut skills are useful in every country.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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