My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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