I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
